Friday, July 6, 2012

Dreamboard, Cont.

So far, this is what I've come up with for my dream board (courtesy of I'm really not a person who dreams in grandiose fantasies; rather, I'd just like to have a life where I love my job, my family, my pets, and can find the time for some own personal introspection and peace. I'd like to be able to expand my mind and read some Jane Austen again and perhaps delve back into philosophy and other things that make one well-rounded (aka a class you were annoyed by when you were in college freshman year). Most importantly, I want to be able to get back to (at least around) the city I love, perhaps settle down in the suburbs of New York (maybe Long Island somewhere), and at least come to terms with the relationship I've had with my parents. I want to confidently stand on my own two feet (financially, emotionally, etc.) and take care of both my physical and mental health instead of constantly dreading what people think and the guilt I feel for not being perfect. I want DH to stop getting discouraged and remember I feed off of positivity and easily fall into traps of despair, self deprecation and pessimism because it is what I'm used to.

I just really want to get into a mindset where my analytical self and my emotional self can be in agreement with each other. Where I'm happy to be me and perfectly content with not being exactly what others want.

Every day, this task is a challenge. I face bouts of discouragement from financial strain, disagreements with DH that seem to last for eons, family issues, trust issues, and definitely a lot of self loathing and way too much personal critiquing. I'm trying to work on getting everything rolling in a positive direction so I can wake up one day and realize I did it.

Can't wait to say those words: I did it.

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