Thursday, June 28, 2012

Money, money, money

So, in the past couple of days I've had to think a lot about my financial situation, as I've mentioned. I come from a place where things were essentially handed to me (although it was in exchange for reverence and fear), and so ultimately I've found myself in a very weird situation. I am a grown adult and I have no idea what I'm doing in terms of budgeting myself besides general intuition on how much to spend (and not to spend). This is not an effective process for a couple that was forced into debt thanks to a really sticky situation. Something has got to change, it has to give. I really find discussing my financial situation pretty uncomfortable, simply because society tells you it's something you're really not supposed to talk about -- You're not supposed to let people know you're sad or struggling or in need of some kind of guidance. However, I think it's necessary to discuss my confusion and fears and how I plan on going about the things I have to take care of to make myself better in the head, in the pocket, and all around. So, be prepared for me to lay it all out on the line.

We're living with my IL's right now, and even though I like them, it totally sucks. They think it sucks too. It causes unnecessary stress because I feel grateful and simultaneously strangled by their constant presence, and this cacophony of emotions makes me one moody-ass beeotch. It makes DH stressed which makes HIM a moody-ass beeotch. That makes IL's upset, and so ensues a massive whirlwind of upset. This causes emotional strain between us, and we all know that is not a good thing for a recently married couple, or for any couple for that matter. Sometimes we can get away to my BIL's house and that somewhat recharges our batteries, but for the most part I'm living in super stressed conditions thinking about all this stuff. Moral of this long nonsense? We need to move out. Moving out costs money, and quite a bit of it.

DH is working with SIL's fiancee but has had this vertigo thingie that is making it hard for him to work. Without his income, we go nowhere because I am making like, $17/hr during a regular 40 hour work week and that just isn't enough to get us out in time. I just started working like, three weeks ago so that SURELY isn't enough to get us out in time. However, I need to get health insurance ASAP so he can go to the doctor and get to working again. Bye bye, more money!

This then leads me to being reminded of the cat I have that I REFUSE to get rid of (she was my first baby and will be with me until she dies! No shelters allowed!). I was FORCED to get rid of the dog due to the stressful conditions (given to a family friend, so I'm not really concerned with where he ended up, at least). I am also barraged with cell phone bills and credit card debt along with DH's child support debt (8 year old, we'll get to her at another point) and some outstanding hospital bills.

Let's throw in that he didn't file taxes last year by accident.

I am getting knots in my stomach and tight in the chest even writing about this.

I can't take thinking about this all at once, so I'm going to make a spreadsheet tonight and budget us in a proper way so we can figure out more effectively how to tackle this, because I think I may jump off a bridge thinking about it if I don't.

We need to come up with the money to live in a comfortable and stable manner. I don't care if I have to take a job on the weekends for now. What has to be done, has to be done. Fortunately, I don't have kids of my own yet to worry about, and DSD (dear step-daughter) gets help from her mama. I will keep you updated on how I go about this issue; if you have any suggestions, let me know.

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